The First Derivative of X

by Garbage Elitist

The First Derivative of X cover art
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credits

released 21 February 2012
All music and shit done by Brett Story
Album art by Gannon Jaspering and Madeline Rupert

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Track Name: Strings (Theory)
[Quote by Carl Sagan]
Sold my confirmation for a haircut
That didn't last long
After the shit charade, I bolted for the door
The preacher, the preacher
Wanted me to stay
I didn't want to stay
I shouldn't have even gone in the first place
I've got puppet guilt
Crucifix confusion
It's left me bare
It's left me empty

I've got strings

I can't be sure what happens after death
I can try my best, but
I'll never be certain where we go
You can't either, so
Let's all agree to letting me be me
Letting you be a fool and
We'll go on with our days
Until we die

And I'm looking to the stars
Cause somewhere out there in the past where I look
Is my birthplace and your birthplace
Among the stars

I've got strings

That hold me to this Earth
If only I could go, I'd fly into space
Way out there
Infinite adventure, infinite discovery
To the great beyond, the final frontier

I could be Captain Kirk
I could be Spock
I could be Carl Sagan
I don't give a fuck
Everyone's a scientist
It's curiosity
Pure joy
Not some ploy

I've got strings

I can't be sure what happens after death
I can try my best, but
I'll never be certain where we go
You can't either, so
Let's all agree to letting me be me
Letting you be a fool and
We'll go on with our days
Until we die

Let's all agree to letting me be me
Letting you be a fool and
We'll go on with our days
Until we die
Track Name: The One Where I Lose My Virginity Pt. 1
I was sixteen
We'd been dating for a year
She'd stay up late
Instant messaging me

I know that's a dead art
But it's where we made our plans
Early next morn, we'd no
longer be apart

Find the key near the beer cans
Sneak into her house
Wake her up with a kiss

It was the day I'd first made love
that's what we called it
She stared in her mirror
As I thrusted and cummed

Whoa-oh
Oh oh oh oh

The irony in that day
Was what happened after that
We went and saw Juno
And it made me afraid

Juno in theaters
When I lose my-
It just seems too funny
To actually be true

Well the story
Doesn't stay funny
Turns out
I'm the villain
Track Name: The One Where I'm an Asshole Pts. 1 & 2
I stole that girl from the eyes of my best friend
I manipulated her into dating me instead
Had tits and an ass, I was too goddamned horny
Goodbye best friend, good bye best friend

Me and him we stopped speaking over her
It's alright, we've become friends again
Only took three goddamn years
True friendship pawned off for cheap sex

I don't know, I don't know
I'm an asshole, I know

We broke up after something like two years
But I still desired her body
My silver tongue brought us to bed
The most depressing fuck I'd ever perform

So I snuck over there and she snuck over here
If only I'd seen the tears through the sweat
I knew what I was doing made me a shitty human
But I persisted, yeah I persisted

I don't know, I don't know
I'm an asshole I know

She said she started to feel sick
On the last day we had sex, when she was riding
On top
I said it's okay and we stopped and
watched TV naked, I held her and kissed her
Pretending I loved her
That's when the shame overwhemled me
I couldn't believe what I'd done
I left her house that day,
saw her slouching in the doorway

I was such a fucking asshole
I was such a fucking asshole
I was such a fucking asshole
I was such a fucking asshole
Track Name: A King, Aching
He wanders through his home
Wonders why he's invisible
He looks to all his oldest friends
Asks when they grew up
HEY!

I see him in home movies
I hear him on old records
Just whispers from the past and
Apprehensive relatives

If coffee and cigarettes was the
Was the worst he could do then
He was doing pretty good
He did something right OH

Never alone
Never again
Never alone
Never again

I was just a little kid when
His funeral came round
In the pew I played with action figures
No one else made a sound

And if coffee and cigarettes was the
that he could do then
Why'd he have to go?
Why'd he have to go

Never alone
Never again
Never alone
Never again

Memories grow fuzzy
Wish I remembered more
Just see the drums, your smile
Hear you playing your guitar
Can't count the times
I've heard your records on repeat
Would you be proud of me?
Would you be proud of me?

Never alone
Never again
Never alone
Never again
Track Name: Action Figures
A sudden hush called for silence
as the congregation rose from their seats.

Solemn faces crowded around the low alter,
Death seems to make us feel like death

Drugs, my mom muttered. So young.
I was young then too, sprawled out

on hardwood pews, action figures near.
My father’s hand gripped my shoulder

and I arose. He choreographed my movements:
a nod to sit, a firm hand to kneel, and

his swollen eyes, which dragged me from
my toys. Dragged me from my world.

The room was lit by a waning sun through
stained glass depictions of a dying son.

My father shuffled forward with his- I
don't know. Sprawling back out

in the pew, I gripped the action figures tightly
in my hands. I haven’t seen them since.
Track Name: Male Unbonding
Tonight
Will be good
Making pizza bagels
Watching Seinfeld til I die
Of laughter
I'm good alone
For just this once
I think I'm good alone

Whoa-oh

I ran all out of alcohol
That means don't talk to me
I ran all out of alcohol
That means don't talk to me

I went out of the house this morning
Because it was warmer outside
I grabbed some condoms out at Target
And got funny looks in line
There's gotta be a way to give
All this a shine
To be honest
I'm just a sex addict

Whoa-oh

Tonight
Will be good
Making pizza bagels
Watching Seinfeld til I die
Of laughter
I'm good alone
For just this once
I think I'm good alone

Whoa-oh

I ran all out of alcohol
That means don't talk to me
I ran all out of alcohol
That means don't talk to me
Track Name: Lucifer
Maybe my heroes aren't for praising
They seem to write a lot of heartbroken songs
Well maybe my heroes are more like me
Never staying happy for too long

If I've learned one thing
I know that's what a lover never wants
And so the depressed go out lonely
Every night, all the time

I'll look to lucifer
The one man who needed prayers most
I'll look to lucifer
The one man who needed prayers most
He needed prayers most
Needed them the most
More than you or me oh

See the things I most enjoy?
There's always a twist to it
The hero always dies
The plot moves on

Jeff said it best like this
"I'm losing my penchant for jokes"
"And it's really not funny..."
"The constant nostalgia for bad times
When they're through"

I'll look to lucifer
The one man who needed prayers most
I'll look to lucifer
The one man who needed prayers most
He needed them the most
He needed you the most
More than me
Track Name: WHY
I chose a college
And I just had one reason
but I'm still feeling
Dumb
I don't smoke, don't drink
Don't preach much either.
Don't stay for
Long
But what really gets me
Is this Christian Crusade
On my campus every
Day
They don't believe in science
Cause everyone's so blinded
Here's the truth, I got no
Faith
Track Name: In Your Skin
Cried yourself to dehydration
Snot and tears covered your face
You still looked beautiful to me
You are my Nike of Samothrace

Your grey blue eyes and your cool soft skin
Oh the things you do to me should never end
But there you go again, gone
Again and again, again and again

Under covers, out of heads, I find myself
I am wrapped in your skin
Miles away, you hide from the pain
But you're not stone like me, you didn't crack like me

Your ideal figure taunts as your clothes peel off
Time again, I feel lost again, and again
I want to begin, can I come in?

Whoa
He shook my hand, a trojan horse
Of the coming events, I did not know
The darkest betrayal in my life
Is this normal?

My heart pumps all my blood
To just one thought
Yeah just one thought

That thought, it is the devil
Inside my heart
My darkest heart
Track Name: The Couch
Still have desires when I look at you
But I know I can't act or you'll
Fall apart
Or maybe I will
Or maybe I will

Too many reasons to count
So I moved out to the couch
Fuck these demons, I can't sleep
But maybe you can
Maybe you can

Something deep inside of me
Is forcing unrelenting and brash feelings
Into my head
I think about forcing all your clothes off
But then I remember, this is no longer
My bed
To enjoy
to sleep

Get out of my head
Get out of my head

And this couch is too short
Not enough room for two lives
My back always feels
Like it's been pierced with knives
Cushions fall on the floor
This is no different than before

On the couch
I can't sleep
And when I do, I wake up
Shitty
On the couch
On the floor
No different than before
Track Name: Temples of DOOOOOM
Turns out that women can
Be cunts
They'll tear your heart out
all like "KAAALI MAAAA"
Turns out that men are often
Dicks
They'll fuck some other girl
And leave you all alone

Here's a hook for all the heartbroken
You gotta learn to pick yourself up
Cause the radio won't
Play you out tonight

It can take time
But soon you'll learn
You need fatih in you
Before others watch you burn
This doesn't mean ignore
You friends
Just don't wet your dick
With that vile fucking bitch

Oh...

Here's a hook for all the heartbroken
You gotta learn to pick yourself up
Cause the radio won't
Play you out tonight
Track Name: Come Back Home
Man will march until he dies
Boy will fall when he tries
Women holds her head up high
Girl will ball up and cry
Learning she should never try
Because she'll never rise as high
As a man
As a man

And the boy inside of men
Will haunt them in their dreams
And the girl from women's past
Will infect their new born's genes
And so on
And so on

There's no reason
To feel lost
With all the dreams
You will sew
Even though
Times are tough
There's always a place to go

Come back home
My son
You are needed like everyone
Come back home
Daughter
You'll revive like white waters
And we'll live

Come back home